‘I don't want to hear his apology:’ Husband makes insensitive joke about wife's body to their group of friends, she calls off engagement because of it

Author image for Baiz Hoen
Baiz Hoen
Feb 10, 2025 10:00 AM EST

Something people love to say these days is that no one can take a joke anymore. Whether that be because people are trying to make fewer jokes at other people's expense or the comedians under fire are put there for valid reasons, it seems like it's for good reason. Sure, there are plenty of situations where the analysis of a joke or comment can get out of hand. And yes, sometimes people can be straight-up too sensitive, but for the most part, it's good that we as a society are striving towards "punching up."

When a bad joke does get told, we've learned that we can speak up about it now. And sometimes, a joke that's bad enough can be very telling of the person who told it. And in very extreme cases, a joke can be so bad it's enough to end your marriage over it. One woman described a situation where her fiancee told a joke at her expense in front of their friends, and it was so upsetting that she had to come to Reddit to ask for advice. Would you stay with your fiancee if they made a joke like this? Or is she overreacting? Scroll through to see what you think. 

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    "AITAH for breaking off my engagement because my fiancé made an offensive joke about me to his friends?"

    Buckle up. It's long and I'm sorry about that.
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    I (28F) and my fiancé (32M) have been together for five years. For the sake of anonymity, I'll be referring to him as John. John and I have had a wonderful and loving relationship for these past five years, and I truly saw myself with him for the rest of my life. We've
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    him for the rest of my life. We've had our ups and downs, but not once has John ever made me feel like I wasn't enough. He's supported me in all of my endeavors and dreams, and our relationship even survived nine months of being long distance as I'd been sent to another state for work in 2021. I truly love John, and even now, I still love him, but I have my doubts now about how he feels about me.
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    A little context. I grew up fat. I had been fat when we met and for the first three years of our relationship, I was fat. This isn't a problem and never has been in our relationship, but it was something I had a problem with about myself. I
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    had a problem with about myself. I wanted to be healthier and to simply lose the weight because I knew it would make me happier. John was supportive of this. He said he'd love me no matter what form I took because it was my heart and soul he'd fallen for. I had
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    heart and soul he'd fallen for. I had believed that as I had no reason not to. John has always made me feel that he loves me and made me feel desired.
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    But now, I've lost half of what I weighed before and at my age and due to being overweight my entire life, I have plenty of loose skin. I am absolutely insecure about it, and John knows this. He's made
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    and John knows this. He's made every effort to reassure me that he still finds me beautiful and that he looks at my body as the evidence of how hard I've worked and how far I've come. He reassures me that he still loves being intimate with me and loves my body, even as it's changed. I felt so lucky to have a man who loved me so unconditionally and truly.
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    Recently, John and I had gone out with a bunch of our friends as we'd not been able to align our schedules until now. Whenever we go out with a big group like this, John and I usually spend the beginning of the evening and the end of the evening together at the party. At some point in the middle,
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    party. At some point in the middle, we always split off to go socialize with our friends separately. When it came time that I went to rejoin John, I had seen him with his best friend and a couple others, engaged in conversation. John's
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    engaged in conversation. John's back was to me, and his friends were all chuckling about something as I approached, but I stopped de d in my tracks when I heard John tell his best friend that my body looked like a "deflated weather balloon" and that it was hard for him to not laugh when we were intimate and my body moved.
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    I had never expected the man who spoke so warmly and lovingly to me always to talk about me in such a way. John was the man I was going to spend the rest of my life with. He'd known my insecurities and still loved me anyway. At least, so I thought.
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    Needless to say, I was hurt and angry and devastated. I walked up to him, handed him his ring without a word and I left. I didn't even go to our home. I went to a hotel and stayed there. I turned off my phone and just took a couple days to just cry out my heartache.
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    When I turned my phone back on, there were messages and voicemails from John and our friends. Most of John's messages were apologetic and begging me to talk and come home. But then the most recent were the opposite.
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    He said I was cruel and cold for ignoring him and breaking off the engagement without warning or so much as an explanation. When I responded to him and told him I'd heard what he'd said, John told me that I was acting like a child because I took his joke too seriously. That he was just trying
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    seriously. That he was just trying to make his friend laugh. I asked him why he needed to make his friend laugh at my expense by telling him about my body and how it looked to him or how he struggled not to laugh at me when we were intimate. He didn't respond.
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    Instead, as I'm writing this, I'm still receiving messages from our friends telling me that he's sorry and that I should "see how miserable he is" without me. That I'm so cold and a b for running off like that instead of giving John. a chance to explain himself.
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    I'm hurt. I genuinely don't know if I was too rash in breaking off our engagement, but the only thought in my head and what is still sticking with me now, is that when I was fat, people mocked me because of my body all the time. I
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    because of my body all the time. I lost the weight only to still have people mock me because of my body. And it just so happened to be the one person I allow to see me at my most vulnerable who showed me that. I know John's hurting (or at least seems to be), but so am I. Should I have heard
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    but so am I. Should I have heard him out? Five years and I didn't even give him the chance to explain or to really apologize. I just shut him out immediately. I still love the man, those feelings don't go away overnight, but... I don't want to hear his apology. I don't
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    go away overnight, but... I don't want to hear his apology. I don't want his explanation. I'm just... angry and hurt and my friends seem to think I'm throwing away my relationship over something easily fixable.
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    People rushed to this woman's side in the comments.

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    He's an , you deserve better! From your fiancé and from your friends. What part of telling his friend that he had a hard time not laughing during intimacy with you is funny to him? I'm furious on your behalf and I don't even know you. NTA!
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    She must feel as light as a feather!

    NTA. You can never un hear those words, and if you gave John a second chance, they would play in a loop in your head anytime you'd try to be intimate with him. Save yourself the long-term heartache and dump him now. And congratulations on getting rid of ALL of the excess weight!
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    NTA, remember, not you throw away the relationship, he threw away that awful "joke". If you love someone, not humiliated her.
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    Breaking off an engagement over an offensive joke? Nah, you're just saving yourself from future material for his next comedy special.
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    NTA. Nothing he could say now can undo what he said then. The fact he made a "joke" like that at your expense shows a lack of respect. Regardless of whether he actually feels that way or not, he said it to entertain his friends like a pathetic teenage boy.
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    What's the deal with jokes these days?

    You should be with someone who respects you enough to, at the very least, not make jokes about your appearance for a few laughs.
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    This is probably not the man you want to marry. "John" is an absolute . And his friends are idiots.
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    NTA. I would be completely shattered. Not to mention, I would also have to wonder what other "jokes" had been told about me while I wasn't around. There's no coming back from that
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    Block everybody that wasn't a joke a joke is meant to be funny to all not funny you some and some or multiple people are hurt no telling what else he is "JOKING ABOUT"
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